i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
