Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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