if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
