Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
