im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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