Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
