haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
