her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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