I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
