ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drake has all the answers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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