U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
