Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A bitchslap is in order.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
