your thong is hanging out like whoa
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
