Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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