piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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