dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
