I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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