So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
