I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
