But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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