my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
