Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
