The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
