im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
