i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
