FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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