oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
