You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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