i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
