nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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