Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
