dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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