Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
