Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
