remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
