if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
