i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
