I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
