this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
