Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
