help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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