you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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