**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
