matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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