Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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