life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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