dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
