I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
