Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
