Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You need Xanax blowdarts
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
