I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
